


you're awful, i love you

by orphan_account



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Eating Disorders, Grinding, M/M, Mental Hospital AU, and uh, attempted suicide, not sure if this is important but i imagined harry 16 and louis 18 bc cute ages, there's a good amount of smooching, yep
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-30
Updated: 2013-12-30
Packaged: 2018-01-06 19:28:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1110649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maybe the reason why you're here is to regret even thinking about killing yourself, to teach you a lesson. Everyone here is so sad, quiet, and disinterested in everything. You are, too.</p>
            </blockquote>





	you're awful, i love you

**Author's Note:**

> if this is trash i apologise greatly

To be completely honest right now, you're unhappy.  
It seems like only not long ago you were found passed out on your bedroom floor and right now you're sitting in the most unfashionable hospital clothing while some lady with a clipboard is asking you several questions concerning your medical history.  
You shouldn't even be here right now, somehow, someone managed to find you before it was too late. You shouldn't be alive, and you shouldn't be in this _place._

You're handed some medication to take and the nurse doesn't leave until you swallow it down with water, then you're sent out of your room and along with the other patients to do whatever activities you please. You're already bored and you're not that excited over what options you have to do in your own time - you're allowed to sit and watch television, you're allowed to do arts and crafts, read books, eat. Honestly, the food isn't all that great.  
Maybe the reason why you're here is to regret even thinking about killing yourself, to teach you a lesson. Everyone here is so sad, quiet, and disinterested in everything. You are, too. Curled up, you sit on the couch with at least two other people while being in front of the television. You feel like if you don't move now, you're going to jump out of your own skin or pass out from pure boredom. 

After at least ten minutes, and after picking your nails down to the nubs, you stand from the couch and you walk to the other side of the room, then take a seat at a table where another boy who looks close to your age is drawing in a book. You try not to stare too hard at him as you turn your attention to something else, drumming your fingers lightly against the table. When he shifts in his chair, you take a second to glance him over, and you can't stop looking at how _skinny_ he is. It's in the most unhealthy way possible and you feel bad. But, you don't want to question him. You haven't talked to a single patient here, and you're not going to speak unless spoken to.  
The book he's sketching in suddenly gets passed over to you, along with a pencil, and he stares at you expectantly as he props an elbow on the table with his cheek resting in his palm. The page just has a bunch of stick figures scribbled onto it. "So, what are you here for?" His voice is louder than you expected, and it actually startles you.  
If you're honest, he looks like someone threatening, and he kind of rolls his eyes when you don't respond right away. "That's fine, you don't have to tell me." He adds on in a mutter, and he watches as you doodle a flower on the same page as his stick figures. 

Later on, come time for bed, everyone is once again given medication, then they're directed back to their rooms. When you're round up and guided to your room again, it's with the boy from earlier and you're a little surprised to find that he's your roommate. Earlier, when you came by your room, it was empty so you had no idea. A part of you is relieved to find out this news, considering you spent a little bit of time with him. But another part is still _slightly_ scared of him. You'll just try very hard not to upset him. 

"I'm guessing no one brought you a change of clothes, huh?" He asks quietly, as soon as it's just the two of you alone, and all the lights are off. 

"Excuse me?" You answer back, in a hushed whisper. 

"You're still wearing that hideous abomination they give you when you're admitted." 

"Oh." Yeah, you're not exactly given time to pack when you get thrown into a mental hospital. "My mother is supposed to bring me stuff soon." 

"I sure hope so." There was the sound of his bed-springs squeaking as he stood up to his feet, then he was silently making his way over to your bed. "Wanna go do something?" He leans over you slightly as he whispers, and you can sort of make out a slight grin on his face. 

"Isn't that sneaking out..?"

"Possibly."

"I don't know..."

"This might not be as bad as prison, but you're eventually going to hate it here, so you might as well start listening to what I say." 

It takes you a moment, but you finally throw your covers off you with a small sigh and follow him out the room as quietly as possible. You follow closely behind him through several doors, down several halls, and you make it outside where it's really, _really_ freezing. Not to mention blocked off by a large chain-link, barbed wire fence.  
He brings you across the lawn, over to where there's a bunch of bushes covering the area, and he gestures for you to sit down before him. He sits cross-legged next to you and you watch as he leans over, tugging at a pile of grass, and you're a little confused until you see him grabbing a clear, buried zip-lock bag. A carton of cigarettes, and a lighter. "Aren't you.."

"Not allowed to have this kind of stuff?"

"Yeah.." 

"It's alright as long as no one knows." You just nod, and you watch as he empties the bag onto his lap, getting one of the cigarettes out of the pack he has and he brings it up to his lips, lighting it and he takes a drag. "Why don't you tell me about yourself?" He asks, shifting to where he could face you more. You felt heat rise to your face as he held a hand out for you to shake, and this time you weren't so hesitant with him. "I'm Louis." 

"Very nice to meet you, Louis. I'm Harry." You say with a tiny smile as you shake his hand. 

He gives you this grin and you swear to God, if he does that again, you might just cry. You want to keep holding his hand, but he takes it away without a word and leans back a little as he continues smoking. You're sure the only reason why you want to hold his hand is because you're never not lonely, and you're constantly craving human contact. That makes you sound desperate. You _know_ you're desperate, and you're not sure if that's a bad thing given your current situation. 

The time that the two of you are outside is shared in complete silence, and you almost don't notice it when he re-buries his belongings in the same spot, stands from the ground, and crushes the cigarette under his shoe once he's done with it. "Ready to go back?" He holds his hands out for you as he speaks, helping you back up to your feet as well. More slight physical contact, yes.  
He actually doesn't let go of your hand as he practically drags you back inside, but once you're through the doors and down that long hall again, and you're almost back to your room, he does. He has to pull you aside before one of the guards catches you, and once the guard is out of view, you manage to quickly slide back into the room. The both of you are returned to your rightful beds and no matter how many times you toss and turn, and stare at the walls for what feels like hours, you can't fall asleep. You hate it. 

You stay completely still as there's a sink in your bed and the covers are lifted up, then Louis' sliding himself in right next to you. "When I first got here, I couldn't fall asleep when it was time for bed. I stayed awake throughout the entire night." He muttered, moving around until he got comfortable. "I think that's how everyone is, though." You don't understand how he could be so nice to you, or _why_ he's being so nice to you, but you're going to hold onto him as much as you can.  
The next morning you wake up and he's back in his own bed. You assume he stayed laying with you until you at least fell asleep, and you really appreciate that. It was sweet of him. 

It doesn't take you very long to realise that there's this strict, well set-up routine that everyone goes through. To be cut short, it's the same every day, it slowly gets old, and yes, you're going to say this a lot, _it's boring._ There's a group therapy session that you can attend, and you're not a thousand percent sure if you're really forced to attend it, but everyone has to speak at least once each, and you're glad that they didn't push you to speak. You sat there, silently listening to everyone's stories, and you left as soon as the session was over.  
You found Louis in the same spot you first saw him, when was it, nearly three weeks ago? It may not have been that long ago, but it feels like for-fucking-ever and you think you and Louis have been hitting it off quite well. It feels like you've been friends for a lifetime.  
Looking up as you walk over, Louis gives you one of those big grins that you adore so much, and he pats the seat next to him. You sit down in the chair, and you rest your arms out on the table. "Well, hello there." He greets, leaning in close to you. Your elbows bump as he shifts close and the two of you chuckle quietly, nudging each other back and forth with a grin. 

His face gets nuzzled against the side of your own and you shudder as you feel his lips brush your ear, the warm feel of his breath on your skin. "How about we go back to the room?" He whispers quietly, smile obvious as he speaks. Something about this feels right no matter how long you've known each other. If this were anyone else, you would feel uncomfortable, but this is different. In the short amount of time you've known him, he's actually shared so much with you, as well as you have with him. Such as why you're here in the first place, and about the deep hatred he has for his own body. 

He gets up and you stand with him, following him as he walks along to your shared room. Once you're both inside, he closes the door from behind and lightly pushes you to your bed at the far end of the room. He pulls the curtain closed that divides both of the beds apart from each other, then he's climbing on top of you.  
His lips are on your's almost immediately and you can't help but make this embarrassing sound of surprise as it happens. The kiss gets messy fast and his fingers grip into your hair as there's a hand on your hip. He bites on your lower lip and you part your mouth for him, allowing his tongue to move against your own.  
When it comes time to part for air, he wastes no time in kissing along your neck, nipping and sucking here and there, making you shudder underneath him. "Wait.. What if someone catches us?" You pant softly, leaving your eyes closed as you rest your head back, exposing more skin for him to kiss. 

"That isn't likely." He mutters, giving a slow grind against your hips, getting a soft moan out of you. There's a particularly hard bite at your neck, and you know for a fact that there's going to be a mark. You're sure you would care, but right now he's sliding a hand down and gripping you through your pants, and you can't find it in you to care. You're rutting up against his hand and gasping, and he keeps applying more pressure and it feels so good.  
He rests his forehead against your's, and tilting your head the slightest bit, you try to catch his lips again with a quiet whine. You reach down and knock his hand away from your crotch, getting your pants undone, and he grins and kisses you, pushing his hand into your pants to rub you through your boxers. You know he's teasing you, and a part of you loves it, yet you're getting impatient quick. 

While he's still touching you, you trail a hand down with your teeth biting into your lip, shakily undoing his pants as well, and you pull them down as much as you can until he gets them off the entire way. After he drops his pants onto the floor he tugs your's down, tossing them along with his own and you don't think you've ever felt so relieved in your life.  
Having a sudden burst of confidence, you manage to flip him over onto his back, and he chuckles as he looks up at you, holding his hands at your hips. You dip your head down and give him another kiss, curling your fingers and gripping into the front of his shirt, pushing your hips together teasingly. He lets out this groan, trying to grind back up against you and you're so glad you can have this kind of effect on him. 

The friction just isn't enough and you bury your face into his neck and pant, working your hips harder and you can tell he's trying to keep his voice down, just like you. No one can hear you two. His hands slide around and find your ass, grabbing and pulling you more against him as he starts to rut against you with more pressure. You put your hands onto his shoulders, squeezing as you open your legs more, and you can't hold back a sound as he gives a hard upward thrust.  
Suddenly you're thrown onto your side and he pulls your leg up, hitching it over his hip, pulling you tight against him as he grinds your clothed erections together. One of his hands slides back down to grab at your ass, and his free arm wraps around your waist, keeping you as close as possible. You don't know what to do with your hands so you shove them into his hair, pulling slightly as you rock up into him. 

You're both so close and your movements start to get more messy and quicker, and you can't stop breathing hard. His hands are on your hips and his fingers dig roughly into your skin. There's most likely going to be bruises, but you don't really mind that.  
Somewhere into this, you grow weak and all you can do is hold on and moan as you let him guide you, and within a few more harsh thrusts you're spending yourself into your boxers and he's following after not even close to a minute later. 

You and him are both trying to catch your breaths as he rubs small circles along your back, pressing tiny kisses here and there to your face. Relaxing against him, you let out a content sigh as your breathing is finally under control. For a few more moments, he pets and plays with your hair and you swear, you could probably fall asleep right here curled up with him. But then Louis' detaching himself from you and he stands from the bed, grabbing for his pants. You give this little frown and he catches that immediately, leaning over to peck your lips. "You can either get up and go wash up with me, or you can stay in bed. Your choice."

You hum in thought at that, holding your arms out for him. "Let's lay down for a bit and then go wash up." You mutter tiredly, and you grin when he drops his pants again and climbs back in bed with you. He tugs the blankets over the both of you and you can't help but immediately cling to him, unable to contain the smile on your face.  
Louis' fingers tangle in your curly hair and he presses a small kiss to your forehead. That paranoid feeling you had earlier of someone walking in and catching you faded away and for some reason, you finally feel at peace. You thought this place was supposed to be scary and you always imagined it in the worst possible way, but it's not at all like that. Maybe in your case you needed someone there for you. You have exactly that, and honestly, you couldn't be happier.


End file.
